


God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You

by Softasamarshmallow



Series: You & I, we can make it till the end [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cute Louis, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Harry Being an Idiot, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Makeup, Marriage Proposal, Model Zayn (mentioned), Niall Horan & Harry Styles Friendship, OT5 Friendship, Older Harry, Popstar Harry, Reunions, Sad Louis, Sick!Louis, Through the Years, Unrequited Love, Younger Louis, Zayn Malik & Louis Tomlinson Friendship, harry and taylor is super brief and almost nonexistent, liam appears very briefly, milkman!harry, naive louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-09 21:39:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7818280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Softasamarshmallow/pseuds/Softasamarshmallow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"“Hey Lou?” Niall called, head lolling lazily against the couch as he turned to look at a half dozing Louis, who simply grunted in acknowledgement; voice muffled from where he was blissfully cuddled into Harry, face buried into his chest.</p><p>“I never did hear your whole love story.” Louis snorted, running small fingers through Harry’s curls in apology when he whined and tightened his hold on the smaller male in his arms as he shifted to sit up.</p><p>“Well boys, if you must know, this all started when I was still a young, innocent lad…”“</p><p>OR the one where Louis is younger and sick (no character death so don't worry), and loves his tea (with milk), Harry is older and the neighbourhood milkman, and this is their love story of how they became friends, got separated and found their way into each others' arms again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tronnor_stylinson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tronnor_stylinson/gifts).



“Hey Lou?” Niall called, head lolling lazily against the couch as he turned to look at a half dozing Louis, who simply grunted in acknowledgement; voice muffled from where he was blissfully cuddled into Harry, face buried into his chest.

“I never did hear your whole love story.” Louis snorted, running small fingers through Harry’s curls in apology when he whined and tightened his hold on the smaller male in his arms as he shifted to sit up.

“Yeah, actually, neither … I mean, I know the general gist of how you met but not like, the whole thing?” Zayn hummed thoughtfully, Liam murmuring in agreement as they both turned from their respective spots on the floor to face Louis with eager curiosity, the starting verse of _God Only Knows_ blaring from the speakers as _Love_ _Actually_ played on in the background.

“Well boys, if you must know, this all started when I was still a young, innocent lad…”

 _I may not always love you_  
But long as there are stars above you  
You never need to doubt it  
I'll make you so sure about it  
God only knows what I'd be without you

~

Louis had always enjoyed milk (he snickered at the double meaning behind those words, Harry throwing him a fond smirk as he leaned down to press a kiss to his temple)- well, not _milk_ on its own per say, but he added milk to his tea, and _everyone_ knew that tea was the _most_ important.

Louis loves his tea- has always loved tea, even as a child- and he needs milk for his tea, and therefore the love he has extends to milk.

Milk was always taken for granted, a bottle or two delivered to his doorstep every morning without fail- it was something that just happened, something that just _was_ , and Louis had never stopped to wonder who or where the milk came from (in hindsight, he thinks he should have questioned it much, _much_ sooner, because then he’d have met _him_ earlier). But as it happened, he went through his days oblivious, until that one fateful day, when the thought suddenly struck his mind and he curiously pondered the origin of the milk.

“Mum…” he called sleepily as Jay tucked him in that night.

“Where does milk come from?” Jay paused, wondering what brought on this strange question.

“Cows?”

“…Hmmm…” Louis hummed, drifting off to a land where he laughed and played with dancing cows.

When he awoke the next morning, he quickly ran outside to the garden swing, and plopped down on it, wanting to wait for the cow to come deliver his milk so that he could thank it. But he waited, and waited, until the sun was setting and the air was turning cold, and still no cows came dancing past. Jay poked her head out from behind the sliding doors, calling out to her son as he slumped dejectedly against the soft cushions, the swing swaying gently in the wind.

 “Louis? Dinner’s ready. And you know you shouldn’t be out here too long, boo.” Jay chided, perching down beside him and running gentle fingers through his ruffled hair as she took in his disappointed form.

“But Mum! I’m waiting for the cow, but it didn’t come.” Louis mumbled sulkily, scuffing his shoes along the grass as Jay stared at him in confusion.

“Cow? What cow?”

“You said that milk comes from cows, so I decided to wait for the cow so that I could thank him for the milk, but it didn’t come!” Jay chuckled, amused understanding dawning on her as she pressed a chaste kiss to Louis’s head.

“Silly boy, milk _does_ come from cows, but the milk that we get every morning gets delivered by the milkman, and he comes early in the morning while you’re still asleep. Now come on, let’s go in.”

The next day, Louis was once again, sitting on the garden swing by his fence. Only this time, he had gotten up earlier to try and catch the mysterious milkman as he went on his rounds- almost _too_ early. The sun was barely up, beaming feeble rays on the deserted streets, providing little warmth against the still chilly air of the night before. Louis pushed the swing back, trying to keep himself from dozing off. But the rocking motion of the swing soon lulled him to sleep, his heavy eyelids fluttering shut despite his protests. He wasn’t sure how long he had been sleeping for when, through the hazy fog of his sleep induced mind, he felt arms lifting him up bridal styled off the swing.

“… _Need to stay awake for the milkman…”_ He thought drowsily, even as he snuggled closer in to the comforting warmth he was held against. He heard a quiet string of murmurs and a click, before he was gently lowered onto the soft folds of his bed, leaving the comfort of those arms. He thought no more of the unfamiliar arms, thoughts drifting to tea parties and dancing cows, as he slowly faded back into sleep once more. Later in the afternoon, Louis jolted awake, letting out a loud shout as he jerked upright. Jay dashed in, brows furrowed with anxiety as she checked over her son.

“What happened, boo? Are you okay?”

“I DIDN’T GET TO SEE THE MILKMAN!!!” Louis exclaimed, running a hand through his tousled hair in frustration. Jay held a hand to her chest, heart calming from its frantic beat as she let out a breathless laugh.

“Don’t scare me like that! I thought something’d happened to you.” Jay scolded, pulling her young son into a crushing hug as Louis smiled apologetically at her. He frowned as a thought struck him, shifting in her arms before turning to her, expression riddled with puzzlement.

“Mum, who carried me back in?”

“Hmm? The milkman did.” Louis’ jaw dropped, eyes widened as he stared speechlessly at her for a moment.

“B- But… you mean… I was carried in here by the milkman… BUT I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO SEE HIM??!” he spluttered incredulously, throwing his arms up in defeat. Jay laughed at his dramatics, nodding fondly at her distraught son.

“Anyways, go to sleep Boo. You can wait for the milkman another day.”

At the break of dawn the next day, Louis sprinted to the swing in his excitement to catch the mysterious milkman- and today, he was _absolutely_ determined to achieve his goal. But as he waited and waited, his eyes became increasingly tired and not long after, he found himself drifting off to dreamland once again. He was slightly roused by those comfortable arms lifting him from the swing again, and he struggled to open his eyes, confident by his touch that it was the very man he’d been meaning to meet.

“...Hello... Mr. Milkman...” The surprisingly young milkman glanced down at him, flashing him a dimpled grin as he returned his greeting.

“Hello again, little one. You really shouldn’t be sleeping out here, or you’ll catch a cold!”

“’M not little! You’re just big. And I wanted to… Wanted to meet you.” He yawned out in retort, cheeks puffed out in a cute pout as he shifted to get more comfortable in those arms, drawing a bout of surprised laughter from the milkman.

“Me?”

“Yeah. My name is Louis, and I just want to thank you for bringing me milk everyday... so I can have my tea, because without my tea, I wouldn’t have a good day, because tea makes everything better, you know?” Louis told him sleepily, a cute smile plastered on his face as his eyelids slowly drooped shut again. He heard the milkman give an amused laugh, tightening his grip on him as he cuddled closer to him.

“It’s nice to meet you, Louis. I’m Harry, and you’re very welcome for the milk. And I completely agree with you, tea _does_ make everything better.” Louis gave him another smile, murmuring a quiet _Hazza_ as he drifted off to sleep.

~

“Haz! You’re back!” Louis exclaimed happily, little patters of running footsteps Harry’s only warning before he was abruptly jumped. Harry laughed, giving the boy in his arms a squeeze as he felt the tension in his body drain- he’d had a somewhat long and tiring day, but Louis always made everything better with his infectious (and very flattering and unadulterated ) joy whenever he saw the elder.

It had become a thing; Louis running to wait for Harry by the swings, more often than not falling asleep before the said male came by on his rounds, and Harry smiling fondly at his little friend as he picked him up and carried him back to bed, calling out a greeting to a very amused Jay as he went past.

But after the first few times of Louis being upset that he never managed to stay awake long enough to have a proper chat- or so Harry learnt, with much amusement when Jay told him about the dramatic emotional breakdown Louis almost had- the curly haired teen decided to head back after his classes so as to keep the younger male company. And then that had become tradition as well; Harry popping by when he could in the afternoons and evenings as they quickly grew into an oddly matched but inseparable pair.

“I told you I would. Actually, I always do, so you don’t have to keep waiting for me in the mornings, Lou. I don’t want you to fall sick.” Harry reminded softly, frowning at how frigid he felt as he rubbed a large palm down his lithe frame in an attempt to warm him up.

“Mm, I’ll be alright! I’m strong! Wait, you would come visit me still if I did fall sick, wouldn’t you? Because it’d make me sad if you didn’t- I always want to see you!” Louis rambled, finishing with an unhappy pout at the thought of Harry not visiting while he was sick and miserable- he thought he’d get better much quickly if Harry was around anyways, because nothing made him feel _happy_  and _alive_ the way he did.

“Of course I would! I’d bring you chicken noodle soup and cups of tea and cuddle the sickness out of you. You’re my friend, Lou. Friends take care of each other.” Harry let out a little chuckle as Louis grinned ecstatically at him, dimples deepening as Louis poked at one wonderingly; he’d always had a strange fascination with his dimples.

“Come on, let’s go in and try to avoid that though, alright?”

He didn’t think to question it when Louis took his hand and laced their fingers together.

~

“I’m going to the supermarket now, Louis! Stay home and be good, I’ll be back soon, alright?” Louis stood in the door way with his frog plush, happily waving goodbye to Jay. As Jay’s car rapidly disappeared around a corner, Louis’ smile faded into a sad pout, his frog plush being squished a little more tightly. Unsure of what to do now that he was alone, he skulked over to the swing, shuffling his feet around absentmindedly.

“Lou! What are you doing out here alone? Where’s Jay?” Louis’s head snapped right up, his face breaking into an elated grin when he spotted his curly haired friend coming down the street.

“Hazza! Mum went to do grocery shopping…” Louis’s voice trailed off, his face once again regaining that sad pout. Harry frowned, pouting back at him; he did not like to see Louis so unhappy.

“What’s wrong, Lou?”

“… I don’t like people leaving me.” Louis muttered quietly, boring a hole into the ground as he studiously tried to avoid looking to see Harry’s reaction- it was silly, but he’s never been able to rid himself of the irrational fear that one day, they’d _leave_ and _never_ come back.

And he’d be left alone, with the understanding that he wasn’t wanted anymore, because he just wasn’t _worth it_.

Suddenly, a pair of sneakered feet was all he could see. He raised his head to meet the soft green eyes of Harry, who was kneeling in front of him.

“Don’t worry Lou, when you’re feeling lonely, you can always call me! I’ll always be here for you, I won’t ever leave you.” Harry smiled, ruffling Louis’s light chestnut brown locks.

“Promise?” Harry laughed, nodding in agreement.

“I promise. Come on, let’s go put on a movie.” Louis finally smiled, taking Harry’s outstretched hand and squeezing it in thanks as they made their way in.    

~

“I’m home!” Jay announced, trying to slip her shoes off while juggling two fully packed paper bags of groceries in her hands. Harry hurried over to relieve her of her load, placing the bags on the kitchen bench.

“Oh, thanks love, I didn’t realize you were over. Do you want to stay for dinner?” Jay invited, smiling warmly at him as she started to unpack the bags.

“Umm, if that’s alright with you?”

“Of course it is! It’s nice to see Lou having a friend over. Where is he anyway?”

“He fell asleep halfway through the movie so I took him to bed.” Harry perched off the end of a bar stool by the kitchen bench, having been chased away from helping out with the preparation.

“I’ve been wondering for a while, but… how old is Louis?” Jay glanced over with a quick smile, humming softly in thought.

“Hmm… about 13.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, why isn’t Louis at school?” Jay’s slicing stilled, her smile wavering as a string of emotions danced through her eyes. Then, almost as if nothing had happened, she continued with her task, her quiet voice the only thing betraying her otherwise cheery façade.

“Lou… he has chronic asthmatic bronchitis. He used to go to school, when he was really young, but because he couldn’t participate in sports with the other students and the teachers were more careful with him, he was considered different and so was outcast by the other children. They pushed him away when he tried to befriend them, and some even hit him… And all these kept getting worse and worse until he was constantly coming home with scrapes and bruises- You know how cruel children can be… Eventually, his sickness got worse and I stopped him from going to school.” Harry bit his lip, heart clenching tenderly at the thought of a young Louis being ostracized by his peers- of him coming home with tears in those beautiful eyes, abused both emotionally and physically. He couldn’t stand the thought of his little ball of sunshine deflating even just the slightest amount, just because other people couldn’t look past his illness to give him a chance.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, it’s ok, he has you now, doesn’t he?” Jay teased, chuckling lightly as Harry ducked his head down with a bashful smile, crimson flush spreading across his cheeks.

“But you know what the saddest thing was? Lou, he never stopped trying.” Harry looked up in surprise.

“He never cried, never complained, never threw a tantrum, never fought back. Every day, no matter how badly he had been beaten, no matter what they did to him, he came home with a bright smile and went back the next day trying to befriend them again.  Sometimes, I look at my son… and I don’t understand why anyone would not accept him. He really is a good kid.” Jay sighed, shaking her head sadly as she lost herself in memories of that somewhat unpleasant time. Harry was silent as he took in all she said, heart filled with hurt and overwhelming pride for his strong, brave boy. He had no idea that Louis had been through so much- would never have guessed from how cheerful the younger male had always seemed- but it just made him love that little boy all the more.

“But I think… He doesn’t know that. I think that he doesn’t see that how lovely he is, and it hurts to see that because he’s the best son I could’ve ever asked for, and I wish- He is worth it. God knows his father didn’t help with the whole situation, but Louis is worth _everything_.” She continued, fierce determination settling over her features as Harry tilted his head in confused curiosity.

“What do you mean? I mean, you don’t have to tell me, I’m sorry, that was terribly nosy of me.” Harry backtracked hastily, looking contrite and ashamed at himself, even as Jay smiled kindly at him.

“No, it’s fine. It’s been such a long time since… He left. When Louis was diagnosed with this sickness, his father decided that it wasn’t worth it- that _Louis wasn’t worth it._ And he left. I mean, I knew we didn’t have the strongest relationship but _God_ , how could he look at him and think that?”

“What? I can’t believe- that’s not- that’s _horrible_. Louis definitely is the most precious being I’ve had the fortune to meet, and I’m so glad to have him in my life. You’re a good mum, and he loves you so much, I hope you know that.” Harry declared, nodding at the end to reaffirm his statement, protectiveness of the boy surging within him as he remembered how small Louis had seemed when he admitted that he didn’t like people leaving.

 _“And no wonder,”_ Harry thought with a pang in his heart, because why would he when he’d been all but abandoned by his father and _God,_ Louis probably believes it- _that he’s not worth it._

 “Mum, you’re home.” Both Harry and Jay turned to look at the skinny figure at the door, smiling fondly at the adorable sight before them. Louis’ hair was sticking up wildly, his beloved frog plush hooked safely under one arm and the other rubbing cutely at his bleary eyes.

“Yes, Lou, you can go back to sleep if you’re still tired. I’ll wake you up when dinner is done.” Jay smiled affectionately at her son as he gave a little kitten yawn, looking close to dozing off again on his feet.

“Mm… Hazza… Come cuddle?” Harry blinked in surprise, not missing the amused grin Jay flashed him; she’d always known of the affection her son held for the curly haired teen, and the adoration he held for him in return. He shuffled to Louis, picking the tired boy up in his arms, cooing softly as he wrapped his wiry arms around his neck and laid his head on his chest- much like a toddler would. Lying next to Louis, he tucked the blanket snugly around them both, laughing when Louis cuddled closer and clung on tightly. Harry wrapped his strong, protective arms around Louis as he too, fell into a deep slumber.

~

Louis trudged back into the house gloomily, lips pulled down in a saddened curve, eyes a dull grey instead of the vibrant blue they usually were.

“Mum…” He called, wrapping his arms around her as he buried his face into the space between her shoulder blades, sighing sadly when she reached back to comb soothing fingers through his hair with a questioning hum.

“What’s wrong, Boo? I haven’t seen you smile in a while.”

“Harry’s not been here… I don’t know where he is, or if he’s okay- maybe he got hurt, but no one told me, because they don’t know about me, and I’m just- I’m worried.” He mumbled, words muffled by fabric as he absentmindedly picked at the hem of her shirt. He coughed lightly, heart squeezing painfully with worry.

“I’m sure Harry’s fine. He’s probably just busy with his classes and hasn’t had time to come by. Didn’t he give you his number the other day? Why don’t you give him a call and find out?”

“Because I- Do you think… that maybe… Maybe he doesn’t want to be my friend anymore?”

“Oh, Lou.” Jay sighed, turning around to face her downcast son as he pointedly avoided making eye contact.

“I’m absolutely certain it’s not that. That boy _adores_ you. I’m sure he’d love to hear from you; he must be missing you as much as you’re missing him."

“You think?”

“I’m sure of it, Boo. Go ring him.”

~

 “Hello?”  Harry answered, turning away slightly from the dining table where he’d been catching up with his mum and Gemma over a cup of tea, to give himself some sort of privacy even as he frowned at the unfamiliar string of numbers lighting up his screen.

_“Hello? Um, Hazza?”_

“Lou?” He shot upright, brows furrowing even more in confusion at the familiar voice on the other end, ignoring the curious glances they were throwing his way at his abrupt movement. He mouthed a quick _sorry_ , excusing himself from the table as he hurried to his room and shut the door behind him.

“Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

_“I-Are you okay?”_

“Me? I’m fine, good now that everything’s settled down a little… Are you okay? I think this is the first time you’ve called.”

_“I just… You haven’t been around, and I didn’t know where you were, so I was just… worried.”_

“Wait, did I not- Crap! Sorry Lou, I thought I’d told you that I was coming to Mum’s, it’s just that I left in a bit of a hurry and I must’ve forgotten that I hadn’t told you- I’m so, _so_ sorry, Lou! I didn’t mean to worry you, love.” Harry groaned apologetically, face palming as he internally berated himself for forgetting- how could he have _forgotten_ to tell _Louis, really._

_“It’s okay. Is everything alright with your mum?”_

“Oh yea, she’s fine, thanks. It’s actually Gems- that’s my sister, Gemma- she had a bit of a nasty fall and got sent to the hospital and Mum panicked a little and rang me, which is why I rushed back. Gemma’s fine though, just a broken arm but nothing majorly serious. I just decided to stay and spend some time with them since I haven’t seen them in a while and we’ve got a week off from classes. I’ll be back in a few days though, so I’ll go visit you then!”

_“Y-You’re coming to see me?”_

“Of course I am! Why wouldn’t I? I’ve missed you so much!”

 _“I thought… Nevermind, it’s silly.”_ He frowned at the vulnerable tinge to Louis’ voice, wondering if something had happened to upset the younger male.

“You thought…? Oh Lou, you didn’t think that I’d left you, did you?” Harry murmured, heart sinking at the thought of Louis feeling _alone_ and yet _afraid_ to ring him because he wasn’t sure if he was welcomed to- and even more, at the realization that _he_ had caused this; had _hurt_ him, albeit unintentionally.

“I’m sorry, boo. I didn’t mean for you to think that; I wouldn’t leave you, and I’ll go visit you straight after class, I promise.”

_~_

“HAZZA!!!” Harry was interrupted from his conversation with his friends, head snapping to the door where a copper haired, pale and currently heavily panting boy stood.

“Lou? How did you- Why are you-?” His next words were cut off as Louis flung himself into his arms, clutching him tightly. Harry started to panic when he felt the smaller form shuddering, tears wetting the front of his shirt.

“What’s happened, love? Are you ok? Are you hurt anywhere?” He pulled away, holding Louis at arm’s length so that he could scan him for any injuries. Louis rubbed at his eyes, hiccupping miserably as he attempted to brush away the unrelenting tears.

“I’ve missed you…” Harry’s heart melted while his friends cooed at the endearing scene and he pulled Louis back into a hug.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to leave you- I wouldn’t have if I didn’t think I had to, but... I missed you so much too, Lou.” He quietly explained, pressing gentle kisses to those feathery locks, relaxing as he took in the familiar scent of warm milk and honey, with an underlying hint of something so uniquely _Louis_. He sighed, rocking Louis in his arms gently, his moment of contentment in their little embrace short lived as the younger male’s shallow sobs gave way to harsh coughing fits and hurried, ragged wheezing.

“Lou…?” Harry frowned worriedly, smoothing a palm down his back to ease his coughs.

_This doesn’t sound good…_

He yelped in shock when Louis’s petite frame went limp, a dead weight sagged in his arms.

“Louis? Come on, Lou, baby, wake up!” Harry urged, voice gentle but tight- _choked_ as the panic bubbled within him, the rising fear threatening to suffocate him when he got no response. He heaved the younger male up onto his back, sprinting out of the school grounds and to the nearest hospital, his mind filled with nothing but worry and concern.

He burst through the large doors of the hospital, heart pounding as he yelled for help.  He could only watch helplessly as doctors and nurses swarmed around Louis, fitting an oxygen mask on along with sorts of (terrifying) medical equipment on the alarmingly unresponsive boy before whisking him away, leaving Harry lost and alone as he stood in the hospital corridor.

_It wasn’t fair._

He wanted so desperately to steal his fragile boy back into his arms, to protect him from all the harm in the world; wanted Louis to be okay, to not be sick, because it wasn’t _fair_ ; because he was a bundle of joy- _his_ bundle of joy, so, _so_ precious to him.

He wanted Louis to be with him _forever._

~

When Louis next opened his eyes, he’s snugly wrapped up in a blanket, the familiar but horrid sight of bland white ceilings greeting him. He’s startled when he turned to find Harry watching him, eyes dark and clouded with an unfathomable expression.

“…Haz…?” He eventually ventured hesitantly, when the curly haired male made no acknowledgement of his awakening; his intense stare still boring into him as he stared straight back.

“Lou! You’re awake! How are you feeling?” Harry twitched slightly at the sound of his voice, snapping back to reality, eyes now clearly focused on him as he smiled.

“I’m okay- feeling better now. What were you thinking so deeply about?”

“It’s nothing… Just-” Harry shuffled uncomfortably, laughing awkwardly as he turned his gaze to the ground, taking a deep breath to try and gather his thoughts.

“Haz?”

“It’s just. I mean, I knew about your condition, but I’d never- I was scared.” He muttered, leaning forward to bury his head in his hands as he tried to breathe evenly, wishing away those horrifying images still flashing in the darkness of his mind- of Louis limp in his arms and barely breathing.

_But Louis is alive._

 “Do you… regret it? Being friends with me? I won’t- You can leave, if you’d like to. I’m sure Mum’s on her way, so I’ll be fine.” Harry’s head jerked up, eyes burning with intensity as they burned into his own, face masked in horror at his question.

“No! No, Lou, I don’t. I won’t ever. I- I don’t want to lose you… It scares me, because you’re just so precious to me, and I don’t want to lose you.” Louis stared in wonderment at the elder, stunned by the raw emotions dancing in his eyes; by how upset he seemed at the thought of losing _him_ \- even having gone through what must have been a traumatic experience, Harry still wanted to _stay_. He patted the space beside him, tugging at a curl weakly as Harry climbed in next to him on the narrow hospital bed, cocooning the younger male protectively within his arms. He sighed blissfully, head pillowed on Harry’s chest, the steady thump of his heart slowly lulling him to sleep.

“Thank you, Haz. I love you.”

~

_He was leaving; he could see it in his eyes- the determination to leave._

_Why…?_

_He wanted to cry out, to call after him as he smiled sadly, but his throat had seized up in the despondent despair, his feet glued to the ground as he slowly turned to leave, following behind a blurred but familiar figure._

_Who?_

_He strained his eyes to stare after them, starting in shocked horror as he caught a glimpse of the other person._

_Dad…? Why- How? No… No… Don’t go! Don’t take him! Why?_

_The words of pleas were screaming in his mind, as he hopelessly stared after him, but all he could manage was a tiny whimper- inaudible, lost amongst the deafening roars of the shadows closing in on him._

_No… Don’t go! Come back! Hazza!_

“Lou… Lou! Wake up!” Louis jerked awake with the insistent shaking, briefly registering the familiar touch on his shoulder as he shot upright, heavy pants shaking his being.

 

_It’s just a nightmare…_

 

“Lou? Are you ok?” He turned to Harry, noting the concern in his eyes; his tenderness, his affection and he couldn’t help the tears that sprung forth because _Harry was still here_. He threw his arms around him, clinging desperately to his comforting warmth as his vision blurred with silent tears.

 

“Don’t go. Don’t leave me here on my own, please, Hazza.” Harry inhaled sharply, choking on his overwhelming emotions as he held the younger male tightly, smoothing gentle pats down his back, heart aching at the fragility of his broken voice.

 

“It’s ok, I’m here, love. I’m not leaving you, I’m here.”

 

_Harry’s still with me…_

 

“I dreamt of you. My- My dad was there too, and you left with him. It was just me alone in the shadows, and I wanted to go after you; I wanted to call you back, to chase after you, but I couldn’t! I couldn’t move. All I could do was watch you leave.” Louis sniffled as he explained, sobs having ceased but threatening to start again as recollections of the nightmare looped through his head.

 

“That wouldn’t happen, I won’t leave you.” Harry murmured lightly, swaying side to side as he rocked the petite male in his arms, hoping to ease his frazzled mind.

“Believe me. I won’t, I promise. Go back to sleep, ok?” He smiled understandingly as he pulled back, dubious eyes meeting his gaze. He pulled the scratchy covers back up, tucking him in before pulling him back into his embrace, planting a chaste kiss to his forehead. He laced their fingers together, lifting their joint hands to press gentle kisses against Louis’ knuckle, smiling gently at him.

 

“This way you’ll know if I leave.”

~

Louis was released at the end of the week, bouncing with excitement at being able to _finally_ go home, having been kept back an extra few days for tests just as a precaution. Harry visited him at home, of course, bringing a plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies and a couple of romantic comedies, and everything fell back into place- the way it was before the incident.

They spent most of their- or rather, Harry’s- free time together, in the mornings during his milk run, the afternoons after classes, and quite often having movie nights and sleepovers. It’s slightly more than what they used to have- not that Harry’s complaining- he loved being around Louis.

And he’d never admit that maybe it’s because he’s still haunted by memories of _the incident,_ that he’s terrified by the notion of losing him and not having had enough time with him- but it would never be enough.

Time passed slowly around them; quiet strolls in the park during cool spring evenings turning into dashes of red leaves falling and the crinkling of dried leaves as they jumped into racked piles, turning into hot chocolate by the fireplace and snow fights in winter.

Everything was back to normal- except… except it _wasn’t_.

Sometimes Harry found himself watching Louis, studying him, because as innocent and simple as he was- as close as they were, no secrets between them- he’s still just such a _mystery_ to him and he couldn’t help but be _drawn_ to him.

Sometimes he thought that he had gotten him figured out- but it’s in these moments that he'd do something that would throw him back into confusion, and he would realize how much he really didn’t _know_ him. And he wanted to know him- a strange craving to do so, though he’s not really sure _why_ \- but he put it down to the thought that maybe, _maybe_ it’s because he felt that he wanted to be understood.

It’s moments like _these_ \- when he’s just silently staring at him- which makes him feel completely _intrigued_.

Because he turned to him and caught his eye, but didn’t _-never_ \- look surprised or questioning; just held his gaze, green melting into blue, and smiled.

 _But that smile..._ he didn’t understand how _one_ smile could invoke so many emotions in him at once.

He thought, when it really came down to it, maybe he just wanted to know why- _how-_ he’s making him feel the way he did. Because he’s not ( _gay (well, maybe))_ \- it’s just _(they’re friends (and maybe more))-_ And there’s _(a girl (he thinks))_ \- he didn’t _(like him(he does))_ -he shouldn’t _(feel this way)_ \- and it’s not _(a thing,( it is))_ -

He thought that maybe he didn’t want to know after all.

He smiled softly and looked away.

Sometimes Harry wondered if Louis knew what he was doing to him- how he made him _feel_ ; how his heart would squeeze painfully and he almost wouldn’t be able to breathe- and wondered, if he felt the same way too, if that was the reason he did it. And he wished he did, because it just didn’t seem _fair_ if he didn’t; not when he’s the cause of all this turmoil, all this confusion; not when he’s cuddling up to him on the couch and it’s _unnerving_ just how much he _loved_ the way he fitted into his arms.

He didn’t want to think about it though- all the _what ifs_ and _maybes,_ the thoughts that would complicate things- so he didn’t; instead, he just contended himself with casually draping his arm over his waist to pull him closer and ignoring the little warning bells going off in his head.

He didn’t think that he should be wishing that he could have this for the rest of his life.

~

Louis inched up onto the tip of his toes, peeking carefully into the lecture hall he knew Harry- courtesy of the class schedule the elder had carelessly shoved as a bookmark into a book he’d later loaned to Louis, to which he also owed this surprise visit- would be in, his final one before he was done for the day. He could just make out the familiar nest of curls among the other heads, his height a rather major disadvantage, sighing as he moved back from the door and leaned against the wall outside the room.

“Hey there, pretty face.” Louis turned to the voice, curious to see who was being addressed, frowning when he’s faced with a tall male leering disgustingly at him.

“Are you talking to me?”

“There’s no one else here but you, sweet cheeks.” Louis narrowed his eyes at the other male as he stepped closer, feeling insulted by the way he was obviously being degraded by stupid quiffed boy.

“Don’t call me that.”

“That’s what you are though, _sweet cheeks_.”

“I said, don’t call me that.”

“Aww, look at you, you’re so cute getting angry. Anyway, I was thinking that you should come out with me for a drink.” Louis stared incredulously at him, scoffing with disbelief at his pushy attitude.

“No.”

“Why not? You’re obviously alone now, come on, you know you want to. Don’t play hard to get.”

“I said no. I’m waiting for someone.” Louis sighed, quirking one sassy eyebrow at him, wrinkling his nose at the overpowering stench of cologne as the guy leant over him.

“Yeah I know, you’re waiting for me.”

“Oh God, that’s horrible. Please just go away. Why won’t you just leave me alone?”

“I’ll go only if you’ll come with. Besides, I want you. Anyone who keeps a sweet lil thing like you waiting isn’t worth your time. I bet you’re just saying that anyhow, you’re not waiting for anyone.” The guy stated matter-of-factly, rolling his eyes as if he’d just answered the most obvious question ever.

“I have no reason to lie to you whatsoever, and I’m waiting for Harry, if you must know, not that it’s any of your business.” Louis sighed _again_ , pinching the bridge of his nose to ward off the oncoming headache at having to deal with such an annoyance.

“Styles? You’re joking. _Please,_ you could do so much better than him- he’s definitely not worth rejecting me for, he’s such a lose-”

~

When Harry stepped out of class, finally finished for the day, he didn’t think too much of the commotion occurring outside the door. It sounded like a fight had broken out, and while usually he’d have been more curious, he just felt _so_ exhausted that all he wanted was to be able to die in bed; even so, he spared a quick glance towards the scene, head whipping around in an incredulous double take, jaw dropping in shock when his mind finally registers that _no,_ his eyes were not playing tricks on him, and that _was_ actually Louis- _his_ Louis- struggling furiously but futilely against the people holding him back.

And it was just so out of the ordinary that Harry could do nothing but stand there and stare- until he saw that Louis had managed to slip out of one of the holds on his person and was lunging towards Jake.

 6’ 3” tall, 200-something-pound heavy, Beef-Cake Jake.

_Oh God._

He didn’t remember doing it, didn’t remember most of what happened then really, but his brain must have kick started with the instinct to protect his boy, throwing his body into motion and _Thank God_ for his long limbs, because he managed to grab one bony elbow and pull the spitfire that is Louis back into his arms. The smaller male squirmed, causing Harry to tighten his grip as he firmly called his name, the tension had immediately draining out of Louis as he slumped back into his arms at the sound of his voice.

He tried not to dwell upon the way his heart warmed at the ease with which he had in calming the boy, instead focusing on dragging ( _lightly,_ almost as if he was carrying) said boy back to his room.

 “Are you alright, Lou? What happened?” Louis huffed, looking away pointedly to show that he didn’t want to talk about it. Harry nudged at his chin, emerald boring intensely into sapphire as he enunciated his words sternly.

“What. Happened.”

“I just- He said something, and I got angry. It’s not a big deal.” Louis admitted, voice pitching higher into a whine at the end as his cheeks heated up with distress at the obvious disapproval in the expression his friend wore.

“It is if you’re in a fight with a guy at least twice, if not thrice your size! Seriously, what were you thinking, Lou, you could have gotten hurt!” Harry exclaimed, wanting to shake the younger male in exasperation because how could he be so _blind_ \- he’s not upset about the fight, he’s _worried_ about _him_.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t- it’s okay, I shouldn’t have raised my voice. Just… Talk to me, boo.”

“…He was hitting on me, which would have been unpleasant, but bearable, if he wasn’t so obnoxious about it. Wouldn’t take no for an answer either, even when I told him that I was waiting for you and not interested in the slightest to go anywhere with him, but then he just-”

“What did he do?”

“He said you weren’t worth rejecting him for, and then he, he called you a… a loser.”

“That’s it? You started a fight over that? Oh Lou, you shouldn’t have, it’s not worth it.”

“No! He shouldn’t have said that about you. It’s not right.”

“Not when you’re _everything_ to me.” His next words tumbled out in a quiet whisper, almost as if they were sacred, not meant to be heard. His eyes flicked upwards briefly to meet his- glazed with a swirl of hurt, and frustration- before they quickly darted away again. Harry sighed, pulling at his waist to bring him close, resting his head gently atop his.

“You’re so reckless, seriously. I worry about you so much. But… Thank you.” Louis laughed softly, voice muffled as he buried his head into his chest, inhaling the scent he’d long associated with _home_ and _comfort_.

“Yea, well. I know how to pick my battles, and you’re worth every one of them.”

~

It wasn’t till later on that night that Harry finally brought up the suggestion that had begun to niggle at the back of his mind, stemmed from the earlier confrontation. It wasn’t so much that he was bothered by what Jake had said- Harry was fairly confident that he was _not_ , in fact, a loser- but it was about the idea of him, of what he represented.

Louis was at the age where he was no longer a kid; that other could be interested in him, or that he could be interested in meeting his _someone._

It didn’t seem fair that Harry was hogging up all his attention and time, even though Louis had never complained and _God knows_ that Harry (not so) secretly thrived in the knowledge that Louis was _his_ \- he pushed that thought away, because _nope,_ he still was definitely _not_ going there.

Point was maybe, _maybe,_ as much as Harry hated the thought of it, Louis should be meeting other people as well.

“You know, maybe I should introduce you to some of my friends. You should meet other people.”

“Do you- Do you want me to?” Harry hummed noncommittally, trying not to read too much into the uncertain lilt to the younger male’s words.

“I mean, yeah, I just think you should. Meet some other people, make some other friends apart from me, yeah?”

“I don’t want to.” Louis stated, voice soft and low, but definite as he dismissed the proposal. Harry sighed, brushing the wisps of curly hair back away from his face in slight exasperation as he attempted to appeal to him.

“You’re sixteen, Lou, don’t you want to meet someone?”

“No. I don’t want to.” He repeated stubbornly, back turned to Harry in a show of having ended the conversation, moving his head to face away every time the elder tried to catch his eye.

“Louis.”

“No! I d-don’t-” Harry felt his heart pinch painfully, crumbling into little pieces at the watery break in Louis’ voice, instantly filled with remorse at having made him _cry_. He hurriedly drew him into his arms, cradling his head in the crook where his neck meets his shoulder and gently shushing him.

“Oh Lou, I’m sorry. Shh, it’s okay. I’m sorry for pushing it, you’re okay, we’re okay. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

 “I have you. You’re enough for me.”

Harry sighed, pressing a lingering kiss to the top of feathered caramel locks as he whispered assurances of _okay, Lou, okay_ to the distressed boy.

He didn’t think that it’s healthy, the way Louis was attached to him, not when he couldn’t- _didn’t-_ reciprocate his feelings.

It had to end- Just maybe, not tonight.

~

“HAZZA!!!” Louis called excitedly as he flung himself into the elder’s arms, frowning when Harry simply patted him on the back awkwardly, lips tight with a smile that never reached his eyes.

“Haz? What’s wrong?” Harry stayed silent before finally lifting troubled orbs to meet Louis’s.

“Lou, can we talk?” Louis gulped, attempting to read the expression on his face. Harry smiled gently, trying to ease the obvious worry marring his features.

“I just need to talk to you, alright?” Louis nodded warily, heart sinking as he guessed what this was about, dreading what he knew was to come.

_Well, it is what it is. It’s better to face it now, than never... I suppose..._

Harry played with his fingers as he sat beside a silent Louis, unsure of how he should start the conversation. He did not wish to hurt the younger male; it was the last thing he would do, but he also knew that he had to make things clear before Louis was hurt even more.

“...How did you know?” Harry’s head shot up in surprise as he glanced at Louis, who was biting at his bottom lip nervously.

“What?”

“That I like you.” Harry coughed, a ting of cherry pink flushed across his cheeks.

“It wasn’t hard to tell...” Louis nodded, lapsing into silence once again. Harry sighed, one finger tilting Louis’s face upwards to meet his gaze.

“Lou... you know I don’t- I’m sorry.”

“Yea. I know; I’ve always known. It’s ok, you don’t like me anyways, you don’t have to say it, I know.”

“It’s not that I don’t like you,” Louis felt his heart take a little leap; he had never thought that Harry could have liked him that way, even the slightest bit.

“It’s just- It’s complicated.” Louis forced a smile unto his face as his heart plummeted into the depths of a world full of pain and sorrow. Harry gave a small smile in return, brushing at the back of his jeans as he got to his feet. Louis shook his head.

“You go ahead. Just, I’d like some time, please.” Harry flashed him an understanding look, hesitating as he made to get up.

“Will you be alright on your own?” Louis swallowed thickly, lips trembling as he bit back a sob. To his dismay, he felt tears lightly trickle down his face despite his efforts. Harry embraced him, offering what support he could, his heart clenching painfully at the pain he knew he was causing the younger boy.

~

_Ring. Ring ring. Click. Beep beep beep..._

Harry stared at the phone in his hand, dumbfounded. He hoped that he had just imagined it, but it seemed as if Louis had just hung up on him. _AGAIN._

_Lou…_

Louis stared at the phone in his lap, hands trembling slightly as he hastily wiped away his tears.

_Haz… I’m sorry… I just. I can’t talk to you right now, with the state I’m in. It hurts so much, to see you laugh and smile and know that I might not ever be the one to own those smiles… I just can’t._

Jay stuck her head through the small opening of the door, worry and concern lining her eyes. She slid into the room, plopping herself down beside Louis.

“Boo? Is it Harry again?” Louis stayed silent, sniffing through his tears. Jay hesitated, unsure if she should have just let her son cry in peace- she had an idea of the events that has transpired between the two boys, even though Louis hadn’t told her what exactly had happened.

 “Do you… Do you want to tell me about it?” Jay softly questioned, smoothing back caramel locks from Louis’s tear stained face.

“It’s nothing. Just, why won’t he love me back, Mum? Is it something wrong with me? I love him so much, and every time he smiles at me, I just wish it was only meant for me, but I know it isn’t and it just- I just-” Louis gave up on trying to speak as his voice cracked, little choked whimpers replacing his words instead. Jay felt her eyes tear up, feeling utterly useless as she gathered her broken son up in her arms.  

“Shh… It’ll be ok, boo, you have me.” Jay soothed, rubbing small circles on Louis’ back as he pressed further against her neck to muffle his sobs.

“Mum, it just _hurts_ so, so much!”

“I know it does, honey. And I’m sorry that you had to go through this. I wish I could change things; I wish things could have worked out for you, because God knows you deserve it for once, but I can’t. Is there anything that I could do that would help you feel better?”

“Can we leave? Please, Mum, can we just go somewhere else?” Louis choked out, shuddering breaths wrecking his frame.

“I’m not… I’m not running away, but can we just leave for now? So I can think properly, I need to think… to accept this. I promise I’ll be ok when we return.”

_If we return._

“Oh Lou, you don’t have to force yourself to be okay; just let it happened naturally. But we can do that, of course- Are you sure you want to leave?” He nodded wearily against Jay’s shoulder, sobs fading into minute hiccups as he closed his raw eyes.

“Okay, if that’s what you want, honey.”

_If only Harry could see that he loves Louis too…_

~

Harry tapped his foot impatiently as he lazily swung back and forth; he was waiting for his long time crush, who had just texted to ask if they could met at the park as she needed to tell him something.

“Oh, Taylor!” Harry greeted enthusiastically as a slim figure, clad in a short white chiffon dress and knee high boots came into view.

“Hey!” Taylor returned with a small smile, gingerly sitting down in the swing adjacent to his, shuffling her feet nervously.

“Umm. So what did you want to tell me?” Taylor’s large almond eyes flickered down, biting her bottom lip as a rosy pink bloomed across her pale cheeks. She took a deep breath, wetting her lips to speak just as his phone rang, interrupting whatever she had to say. He smiled apologetically at her, making to reject the call, but paused, frowning as he saw Louis’ home number flashing across the screen.

“Sorry, just a second, I have to get this.” He mumbled distractedly, thoughts of their (probably quite) _important_ conversation completely slipping from his mind as he answered the call.

Louis was more important.

“Hello?”

 _“Hello, Harry? This is Jay, I’m just calling to tell you that Louis’ bronchitis has been acting up more frequently these few days-”_   Harry shot up anxiously, his seat jerking wildly behind him. He started pacing, feet itching restlessly to take him to Louis- Taylor’s presence forgotten where she still perched disappointed on the swing.

“What?! Is he ok?”

 _“Yes, but because of that, we’re leaving.”_ Harry felt his heart stop with those words- _Louis was leaving-_ felt as if he was suffocating, air being squeezed from his lungs as he fumbled for a reply.

“W-Where are you planning to go?”

_“We’re going to visit his grandmother in France; she lives in a cottage out in the country side, and I’m just hoping the change in scenery and fresh air would do him some good. But if it still doesn’t work out, maybe we’ll go to America. I don’t know, we’ll have to take it as it comes. I just wanted to thank you for being Louis’s first friend, that’s all. You’ve made him happy, and I honestly can’t thank you enough for that.”_

“I-”

_“Sorry love, I’ll be hanging up now, we’re about to board the plane.”_

“Wait!” Harry choked out, blinding fear seizing him at the resounding click in his ear, numbness flooding through him as he tried to understand what was happening.

_Louis was leaving._

“I like you, Harry.” He froze, the sudden words bringing him out of his scrambled thoughts.

“I- I, Sorry, I…” Harry stuttered, the words refusing to leave his lips as he stared wide eyed at her- the girl he’d believed himself to have been crushing over for the _longest_ time ever.

“Don’t you like me too?”

“I-This was what I always wanted. Yea, I liked you,” Harry breathed as realization dawned on him; for all that he’d been trying to avoid facing this, been _afraid_ of this, he’d always known.

“But… But I love him. I’m in love with him. I can’t- I’m sorry, Taylor, I’ve got to go!”

_Louis was always more important._

~

Harry burst through the glass doors of the departure terminal, feet skidding across the polish floors.  He felt suffocated, heart battling furiously with brutal attacks of blinded fear, chest squeezing uncomfortably with a mantra of _he’sleavinghe’sleavinghe’sleaving_ because he _can’t-_ not when he hasn’t told him yet.

He jerked to a halt at a flash of caramel in his peripheral, watching in a mix of horror and helplessness as he turned just in time to see Louis strolling through the gates, never once turning back, slowly disappearing from sight.

_Disappearing from his life._

His hand fell limply back to his side, unknowingly having reached out as if to pull _him_ back, and Harry felt… numb.

Suddenly, the world seemed so foreign, as if he had wandered into unknown territory. Crowds surged around him, masses of people streaming past, shoving past him with an unfriendly glare or two as he stood stock still; it was as if he had left alone in this busy world that was constantly moving forward.

He felt lost.

_Through your entire life, you will be faced with the loss of important things; loss of jobs, loss of money, loss of friendship, loss of loved ones… but when you’ve lost the one thing that kept you going, the one thing you felt alive for- when you’ve lost that one thing that was your world, that was your everything, what do you do?_

~

_“Good morning! You are listening to BBC Radio One and this is Nick, your host for this morning.”_

_“Now I know many of you guys and girls have been eagerly awaiting today because of my special guest, who will be joining us with the latest gossip in his life- Let’s welcome Mr. Harry Styles!”_

_“Hello!”_

_“So Harry, tell us about what’s been happening with you. You’ve just been on tour in the Americas, isn’t that right?”_

_“Yeah, I actually only just got back last night… or this morning, rather.”_

_“And you came straight here? Wow, you must be tired! How was it?”_

_“It was great! I am so glad to be back in England, in my own bed at home, but yeah, it was lovely, being in America for the first time; I’ve never imagined that I would reach this level in my career, and the support that my fans have shown… it’s incredible, really. You guys are amazing, thank you so much.”_

_“Mmhmm, England is glad to have you back too, mate. So I’ve been hearing a little something about you that I’m hoping you will expand on here- give us the juicy details as we have a little gossip and all that-”_

_“Uh Oh.”_

_“Okay, so I heard that you’ve been looking for a certain someone. What’s that about?”_

_“Oh. Yeah, I mean it’s nothing new, but yeah. I have been looking for someone; I’ve been looking for that same someone for the last three years actually.”_

_“Wow, three years? Whoever it is must be a very important someone!”_

_“He is. He’s the most important person in my life, and I wish I had known that three years ago… But I was a fool, and I didn’t realize it till I’d lost him, and every day since, I’ve wished that things could’ve been different.”_

_“Could you tell us a little more about him? Maybe the listeners could keep an eye out and find him for you.”_

_“He’s… wow, I don’t even know where to start. I met him when I was 17 and he was 13; I was working as a milkman-uh, you know, delivering milk bottles around the neighbourhood-  while going through school, and one day as I was making my rounds, there he was curled up on his garden swing. I remember it being really frosty that morning, and he was just dressed in pajamas, so I got worried, and I carried him in. Besides, it’s not safe for a kid to be out alone that early in the morning, you know?”_

_“What was he doing outside then?”_

_“He was waiting for me. And I didn’t even know this till the same thing happened, ‘cept he woke up halfway through me carrying him in, but he said that he had been waiting for me to come around, because he wanted to thank me for the milk- said he wouldn’t have a good day otherwise because he wouldn’t have been able to have tea and tea makes everything better.”_

_“Sounds like a proper English lad!”_

_“Yeah, and we just… became friends after that I guess. He was always waiting for me when I came around, and we started chatting and hanging out and the rest… as they say, was history.”_

_“So how did you lose him?”_

_“Lou… he- that’s his name, Louis. He was sick- not like, terminally, thank God for that, but they had to leave. His mum rang me the day they were leaving and said that they were going to France, to his grandmother, but that they might head to America if his condition wasn’t clearing up.”_

_“So you don’t know where he is? Didn’t you guys keep in touch though?”_

_“I… I rejected him before that. I didn’t- I’d been crushing on this other girl, and I was blind to how I really felt about him, I guess, and I rejected him, and that was the second worst decision I have ever made in my life.”_

_“Second? What was the first?”_

_“…When I watched him leave at the airport, without saying anything.”_

_“Wait, so you did go to the airport? And you saw him leaving?”_

_“Yeah. And he was already through the gates then, but I could have done something. And I didn’t because I was just… I was scared. I think deep down, I’d always known how I felt, but I was scared that maybe he wouldn’t need me or want me around in the future, or that I would be holding him back or… I don’t know, he was just so young – only turned 16 then, and I was scared.”_

_“But then it just… hit me, while I was standing there alone, staring as he slowly disappeared from my sight, how stupid I was being. Because he was- and still is- everything to me. But by then, it was too late and he was gone. And I think that was what hurt the most all these years; that I let him leave without him knowing how important he really was to me.”_

_“That’s sad… I feel for you, I really do. It sounds like you do really love him, don’t you?”_

_“I do. And three years apart haven’t lessened my feelings- in fact, they’ve only grown stronger- and it’s not that I’m expecting him to still feel the same about me; I’m not expecting anything of him at all, but I just hope that I’ll get the chance to tell him of my feelings someday._

_“Well that’s all our time for today, but I wish you the very best of luck in finding your boy, and I hope that you do soon.”_

_“Thank you.”_

~

“Lou.”

“Z! What’s up?”

“Harry Styles is going to be on Radio 1 again today. Are you finally going to call in?”

“Zayn, I’ve told you that I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

“Come on, you heard him last time, he’s looking for you, babe. He even said that you were the _most_ important person in his life- still are.”

“I know, but I just… He doesn’t know me, not anymore.”

“Then give him a chance to know you again.”

“I don’t know…”

“Lou… you’ve been pining after him all this while, just like he has been for you. Don’t you think you should let yourself have a chance at happiness?”

“I- What if he doesn’t like me when he sees me, Z? I mean, he’s a _popstar_ , and I’m just _me._ ”

“Are you kidding me? You’re amazing, Lou, and he must be blind if he can’t see that. And if so… well, then you let me know, and I’ll very happily smack him across his pretty little face and we’ll proceed to forget he ever existed.”

“What? No, don’t!”

“Oh for God’s- I won’t, just call in.”

“I-Maybe.”

~

“Good morning listeners! This is BBC Radio 1 and I am your host this morning! We’re back with the very, very popular and talent Mr. Harry Styles today, welcome back.”

“Thanks, it’s great to be back.”

“So last time you were here, you told us of a very special someone that you have been searching for. How has that been going?”

“No luck yet, though I have my fingers crossed that I’ll be meeting him very, very soon.”

“Oh? Do you have any leads on him, something you’re not telling us?” Harry smiled mysteriously, thinking back to earlier in his dressing room where his best mate had ambushed him.

_“Harry!”_

_“Hmm? Oh, Niall.”_

_“Louis!”_

_“What? What about Louis?”_

_“I think I might know where he is, I mean, I’m not sure but I think it’s him. So you know my mate, Zayn? The model? Anyway, he said that he knows a Louis, who he met three years ago in France, who says he knows you. He’s pretty sure it’s your Louis, in any case.”_

_“Where is he? Does he know about me? Can I meet him?”_

_“Yeah about that… Zayn doesn’t want to go behind his back, so he wouldn’t tell me more, but he said that he would talk to him about it and try to get him to call in today.”_

_“Really?? Oh my God, Niall, I can’t… Thank you so, so much. I can’t believe it, I just… I’m finally going to meet him again.”_

_“You’re welcome, mate! I’m so happy for you!”_

“Hmm… we’ll see.”

“That sounds suspicious, Harold. Well, let’s move on, shall we? We’ll be taking phone calls today, as I’m sure most of you guys know, so who’s our first caller?”

“ _Hello?”_

“Hi love, what’s your name?”

_“I’m Libby, calling from Liverpool. I just wanted to say good luck to Harry, that was absolutely both the most romantic and most heartbreaking story I’ve heard, and I’ve been eagerly waiting for the good news from him since we’ve heard it six months ago. So good luck, hang in there, and I hope that you do get to meet Louis soon!”_

“Thank you, I hope so too! And it really does mean a lot to me that I have all your support; I do appreciate it very much.”

“Alright, thank you for calling in and your kind message, Libby! Our next caller is…”

Harry smiled tightly, heart beating anxiously at the thought that this very next call could be _him_ \- his Louis.

He only hoped that Zayn could convince Louis to call.

~

“… And that’s it! We’re nearing the end, so I’d like to thank Harry for joining us today, and-” Nick trailed off, frowning as he squinted through the glass to where the staff was frantically gesturing to him.

“Oh. It seems like we have one call that just came in, you up for it, Harry?”

“Yeah, sure.” Harry shrugged nonchalantly, heart pounding frantically, blood rushing even as he tried not to let his hopes up _again._ It’d been disappointing, his poor heart plummeting lower and lower, each time more disappointing than the previous when none of the phone calls had turned out to be Louis.

He had known that there was a chance that he was too late after all- that maybe, _maybe,_ Louis didn’t want anything to do with him.

And he wouldn’t have anyone to blame but himself, because he’d so foolishly rejected the best thing that had ever happened to him.  

“Hello?” Harry shook himself as he heard Nick greet the caller, smile turning into a confused frown when silence ensued.

“Hello? Is anyone there?” Nick called again, pausing for a moment to wait for a reply. He shook his head when no one answered, silence hanging heavily on the other line, raising a hand to signal for his staff to cut the line when Harry held up a hand to stop him, heart skipping a beat.

_Because maybe, just maybe…_

“…Lou?” He asked carefully, voice low and gentle, a fragile balance in the air as everyone held their breaths. He could hear the blood rushing in his ears, palms sweating as a sharp inhale came over the line, and finally, _finally,_ the voice he’d been longing for.

_“Hi Haz.”_

Harry smiled.

“Hi boo.”

~

Epilogue:

“I want to thank all you guys for coming tonight… This night is very special to me, and I want to thank you all for supporting me and continuing to make it the best ever. Seven years ago today, I met the kindest, sweetest, loveliest boy I’d ever known. Seven years ago today, I met what- or who, to be more precise- would soon become the love of my life. Unfortunately for me, being the blind idiot that I was, I didn’t see my feelings for what it really was at that time- _love,_ like I’d never felt before, the kind of love that changes lives’; changed _my_ life. And I let him go. I let him walk out of my life, and I haven’t stopped regretting that moment of foolishness. Because the thing is, when you find someone that lights up your world, makes you feel the way that I did-that still makes me feel the way that I do, even seven years on? You don’t let something like that go, not without a fight, not _ever._ And it took me losing _him_ to realize that. I hope none of you will ever make that same mistake that I did, because trust me, it _hurt._ ” Harry paused, clearing his throat to stop the emotions from spilling over as he looked back at a teary eyed Louis. He held his hand out, gesturing for the feather haired male to take it, smiling softly in encouragement as Louis laced their fingers together shyly.

“Fortunately for me, last year I was given the opportunity to reunite with this boy- or man, I should say, as he likes to remind me. I don’t know what I’d ever done in this life to deserve a second chance when I had so foolishly given the first away, but I must’ve done something right, because here he is- right here, by my side again. So Louis. Lou, babe, light of my life, my one true love, my one and _only_ love-…” Harry laughed as Louis smacked his chest, a delicious blush painting over his cheekbones. He tightened his arms around his boy, eyes filled with adoration as the smaller male buried his red face into the crook of his neck.

“I’ll stop embarrassing my little love here, but Lou. I think we’ve waited long enough, haven’t we? I know I definitely have, and I don’t really want to any longer, because I’m never letting you go again, not when I know you’re _it_ for me for the rest of our lives’, and I for you.” Harry paused, pulling away with a fond smile as Louis glanced up at him with hopeful expectation, tears spilling from sapphire orbs with a small gasp as he went down on one knee.

“So boo, I promise that I will spend the rest of eternity together, making it up to you for letting you go back then, but Lou, will you make me the happiest man alive and marry me?”

Louis nodded frantically, throwing his arms around Harry’s neck as he sobbed out an unintelligible mess of _I love you_ ’s and _yesyesyeofcourseiwill’s_ and _I can’t wait._ And Harry smiles, peppering a million little kisses to fluffy hair, to sharp cheekbones and smooth skin, kissing away those salty tears and laughing gently at his silly boy even as tears pricked at his own.

He can’t wait to spend the rest of his life with this boy.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Finally FINALLLYYYY finished with this piece, which took many many tears and long, sleepless nights, inspirational music and cups of tea. 
> 
> I kid, it wasn't actually that bad, but I did take a while with this because I don't usually write more than like 3000- 5000 words so this is a new record!  
> I did try to read through a few times to make sure that there were no mistakes but i'm pretty sleep deprived so. Yeap.
> 
> This isn't brit picked or beta'd, but I do hope you enjoyed it nevertheless and feel free to kudos or comment or leave me a prompt (no promises though)- whatever you see fit!
> 
> I'm gifting this to tronnor_stylinson just for that really nice comment you left on the other work; no obligations to read this at all, actually haha (I'm serious, please don't feel pressured whatsoever) :)
> 
> Thank you for reading this, till next time! :D


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